FACE SLAPPING

Source

You're welcome, World.  Don't ever say I don't support small businesses.

I saw this sign on an awning as I was driving around and made myself pull over so that I could traipse through several villages of pigeon feces to check it out.  Yes, it was exactly what I thought.  If anyone tries this out, I think it's $350/slap, feel free to share!

YOUR 60% FRIEND

Source

I was walking and chatting with my friend, N. the other day.  I don't remember what we were talking about, but I could tell that she was unhappy.  Her expression and her words didn't quite match; something was off.  What she was unhappy about, I really didn't know, so I did what I thought a normal person would do, and asked if she was okay.  She didn't look surprised, but she said she was fine.  I said: Really?  Are you sure?  She replied: Yeah, I'm fine.  Then I dropped it.  This is because N., for me, falls into the ambiguous murky region of friendship that I call the 60%.

It's perplexing, because one of the aspects of a true friendship is sharing.  I wasn't asking N. about her problems out of some vile nosy curiosity, but to see if I could help.  If the sharing doesn't happen, then you are only able to sense something that should be talked about, and then go about ignoring it, which is weird.  I've done it, but it's weird.  

On the other end of the spectrum, are friends who are not ambiguous, at all:

Your 100% Friend:  It's 3:27am.  You are hiding in the closet with a baseball bat, because some mouth breather has broken into your apartment and is going through your drawers.  Before you call 911 like a sane person, you text...your 100% Friend: OMFG Man!  OMFG!  MF is in my house!  Need to KICK ASS!!  Call 911.  Thx.  : D

The Acquaintance:  Hello there.  I probably know you from work, where you are my superior, and a tightass.  Did you see [insert name of oscar nominated film here]?  Pretty good, wasn't it?  Yeah.  Well, I'd better get back to work to finish that project before deadline!  Hahaha...

I sometimes really miss these clear cut lines.

PICTURE FOR THE WEEKEND NO. 4

THE GINGIVITIS MONSTER

Monsters

Okay, I have to admit, nothing about this picture is even remotely scary.  But my point was not to scare potential readers, but to discuss another point entirely, namely the scaring of children.

First point, I have no children of my own, I only have vague memories of my own childhood to rely on, and even those are fading into a squeamish blur.  This may make me less than an expert on this matter.  But here is something I do remember:  as a child, an adult removed her fake teeth to show me a large cavernous gap at the back of her mouth.  She told me that she lost these teeth because she could not stop eating candy - and this effectively put me off candy for a long time.  In short, it worked.  She made such a strong impression that even now - even though I'm pretty sure that is not how she lost her teeth - I still remember.  Is this a bad way to go about teaching children?  Should you have to pull a monster out of the air?

BEST COLD EVER

Modern Girls

About twice of year, I attend a family gathering with my grandmother, my one remaining grandparent, where each and every one of her other grandchildren has begun trotting out their significant other like some prize gelding*.  That is, except for me.  I didn't get the memo, but I do usually get grilled about how I should really work on landing a boyfriend, reminded that I am getting old, and that I am probably  now too educated to find someone.  This would all have happened yesterday.  However, yesterday, I realized I was sick and unable to go.

Best. Cold. Ever.

* Not sure if people actually do this.  Is this too British?

A PICTURE FOR THE WEEKEND NO. 3

ON CREATIVITY

Jennifer Young Photography

I really appreciate well thought out analyses on the creative process.  Here is an excerpt from photographer Samm Blake (ironically, the photo above is not his):

- Pay attention and learn about your peculiar personality traits. Learn what makes you anxious, learn what makes you stressed. But most importantly learn what makes you feel.  Learn to pay attention to who you are, to how you feel and to why you react.  Then use this to fuel your creativity.

- Allow your mind enough time to wander and make yourself feel vulnerable.  If your mind comes back feeling uncomfortable, this is a good thing. Embrace it and express how you are feeling through the creation of something. The art that I’ve been most proud of creating have been made while I was hurting and heartbroken. While creating these images, my hurting heart and anxious mind made sure that I had no choice but to create.

- Dream bigger than what you think is possible. You will often surprise yourself at what you can achieve.

Read more Here:

IDEAL V. REAL: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION

Wardrobe Essentials by coffeestainedcashmere featuring ann demeulemeester

Full disclosure time!  I have none of these staples.  Either that, or I have the shittier version that should not see the light of day (but does).  In short, I am not going to share a picture of the inside of my closet.  It's too shameful, eyes will burn, etc.    

This all harkens back to the Lululemon v. American Eagle yoga pants debate that I have been having with myself since the dawn of time.  Ideally, I would open up my walk in closet, and it would look like the above.  But in that world, I would also be taller. 

This is not to say I don't shop, don't get me wrong, but I have clearly been buying all the wrong things - like 4 sets of floral jeggings or something.  I don't mean for this to be mean spirited.  I drool over at polyvore like everyone else, and then I work with what I have. 

FRANKI QUOTE

Relaxed

“My definition of success is total self acceptance. We can obtain all of the material possessions we desire quite easily, however, attempting to change our deepest thoughts and learning to love ourselves is a monumental challenge. We may achieve success in our business lives but it never quite means as much if we do not feel good inside. Once we feel good about ourselves inside we can genuinely lend ourselves to others.” 

WALK THE WALK, BUT AWAY FROM ME

Walking with Shadows

You see the picture I have attached?  Nice, isn't it?  Artistic even.  You notice how they're just walking fairly close to each other in a straight line.  Now, because I can't leave this alone, here's a twist - what if none of them actually knew each other?  Maybe not the man holding his son's hand, but you know what I mean.

Who walks this close to a stranger?  You should further notice, that there's a lot of room for them to spread out in this picture.  They don't necessarily have to be an arms's brush away.

Applying this to daily life, I found myself the other day walking at approximately the same pace as a woman in front of me, and we were stalker distance apart.  I was, of course, behind her which would make me the stalker and her the stalkee.  Or, to look at the picture, I was shadowing her.

We could have gone on like this for some time, but we didn't.  Did she turn onto another street?  Did I?  No, I put a motor on my ass and shot past her like a rabid gazelle.  It's called being proactive.