SMOKE

Etsy

This has nothing to do with nicotine, but I've always admired photographer's ability to capture smoke.  I can't do this on my own, so I appreciate when others do it for me.

I LOVE YOU CAITLIN MORAN

Caitlin Moran

While I have been debating whether or or not to get lasik, or what to wear to my funeral, my woman crush Caitlin Moran has written a brilliant, comprehensive book* detailing all the things that women blindly go about doing, without asking themselves if they are in fact engaging in some "sexist bullshit."**  Why do women plan their social lives around hair removal?  Why?  Why do women have to live in constant fear of looking old?  That it may be too late to have children?  Why?  Why do females value themselves (and others) only in relation to their ability to look good and have kids?

I appreciate people who have the guts to ask these questions, and to talk about things that leave them open to be judged by others, because left to my own devices, I honestly might not have noticed.

I sometimes*** think that life should be an adventure.  You should do things that make you happy, and try to be as happy as possible.  And these things - these superficial things like being afraid to grow older, wearing uncomfortable heels, feeling fat, comparing yourself to models, trying to be anything other than who you are  - they suck the joy right out of life.****

* When I say "book," I mean "audiobook."  I listened to this using my phone because it's the only copy the library had available.  Listening to her read might actually be better than reading it yourself.  She's that good.
** For some reason, hearing this never gets old.
*** Not always, some days are filled with distractions and I just want to get by.
**** By the way, I do all of these things, don't get me wrong.  It just makes me feel like ass.

CHARLES BUKOWSKI

Link

Yep, this quote has been making the rounds on blogs all over.  But that doesn't make it any less compelling.

THE NEW CORSET

Source

I once worked with a girl* who said it cost her, ideally, $400 per month, to maintain herself.  This included such necessities as waxing (This was shared in gratuitous detail which I will not include here.  It's for the best.), tanning, hair cut and color, manicure and pedicure, and probably some other procedures that she didn't have time to share.  Oh, and by the way, neither of us are models.  This was not so that she looked spectacular every month, they were just maintenance costs.  You know, to look normal.

I thought then, as I do now, that that was insane.  Do you know what I could do with an extra $400 per month?  Then, it occurred to me that I and my high horse might be in the minority, and this might be very normal for the average female, like an extra tax for having a uterus, or the monetary equivalent of a corset - that other pointless thing that every female used to have to wear to look "normal." And now is associated with kinky sex.  Progress?

For a descent into grossness, read on.  If not, then do not proceed.

FACE SLAPPING

Source

You're welcome, World.  Don't ever say I don't support small businesses.

I saw this sign on an awning as I was driving around and made myself pull over so that I could traipse through several villages of pigeon feces to check it out.  Yes, it was exactly what I thought.  If anyone tries this out, I think it's $350/slap, feel free to share!

YOUR 60% FRIEND

Source

I was walking and chatting with my friend, N. the other day.  I don't remember what we were talking about, but I could tell that she was unhappy.  Her expression and her words didn't quite match; something was off.  What she was unhappy about, I really didn't know, so I did what I thought a normal person would do, and asked if she was okay.  She didn't look surprised, but she said she was fine.  I said: Really?  Are you sure?  She replied: Yeah, I'm fine.  Then I dropped it.  This is because N., for me, falls into the ambiguous murky region of friendship that I call the 60%.

It's perplexing, because one of the aspects of a true friendship is sharing.  I wasn't asking N. about her problems out of some vile nosy curiosity, but to see if I could help.  If the sharing doesn't happen, then you are only able to sense something that should be talked about, and then go about ignoring it, which is weird.  I've done it, but it's weird.  

On the other end of the spectrum, are friends who are not ambiguous, at all:

Your 100% Friend:  It's 3:27am.  You are hiding in the closet with a baseball bat, because some mouth breather has broken into your apartment and is going through your drawers.  Before you call 911 like a sane person, you text...your 100% Friend: OMFG Man!  OMFG!  MF is in my house!  Need to KICK ASS!!  Call 911.  Thx.  : D

The Acquaintance:  Hello there.  I probably know you from work, where you are my superior, and a tightass.  Did you see [insert name of oscar nominated film here]?  Pretty good, wasn't it?  Yeah.  Well, I'd better get back to work to finish that project before deadline!  Hahaha...

I sometimes really miss these clear cut lines.

PICTURE FOR THE WEEKEND NO. 4

THE GINGIVITIS MONSTER

Monsters

Okay, I have to admit, nothing about this picture is even remotely scary.  But my point was not to scare potential readers, but to discuss another point entirely, namely the scaring of children.

First point, I have no children of my own, I only have vague memories of my own childhood to rely on, and even those are fading into a squeamish blur.  This may make me less than an expert on this matter.  But here is something I do remember:  as a child, an adult removed her fake teeth to show me a large cavernous gap at the back of her mouth.  She told me that she lost these teeth because she could not stop eating candy - and this effectively put me off candy for a long time.  In short, it worked.  She made such a strong impression that even now - even though I'm pretty sure that is not how she lost her teeth - I still remember.  Is this a bad way to go about teaching children?  Should you have to pull a monster out of the air?

BEST COLD EVER

Modern Girls

About twice of year, I attend a family gathering with my grandmother, my one remaining grandparent, where each and every one of her other grandchildren has begun trotting out their significant other like some prize gelding*.  That is, except for me.  I didn't get the memo, but I do usually get grilled about how I should really work on landing a boyfriend, reminded that I am getting old, and that I am probably  now too educated to find someone.  This would all have happened yesterday.  However, yesterday, I realized I was sick and unable to go.

Best. Cold. Ever.

* Not sure if people actually do this.  Is this too British?

A PICTURE FOR THE WEEKEND NO. 3