BEND NOT BREAK

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I always read how the quality of resilience is a virtue: it is key to success, to happiness.  All well and good, sir. However, in practice this is difficult.  What I can offer, is inspiring stories where people show how this quality works in practice.  It seems to work pretty well, and is surprisingly humble.

A PICTURE FOR THE WEEKEND NO. 6

This is how I want to see the world: bright, lively, and spiked with color.

A PICTURE TELLS A STORY

Sometimes you go hiking, and sometimes you will see a cow, a cow with dreams twisted up with bits of aubergine.  Aubergine, she thinks would be a good name for my next one, the one I will teach to wander away from the fold, to that place I can reach only with my eyes.  I will lay her on the sweet grass away from the others, so that she will cultivate a taste for it, and all other grass will be bitter by comparison, and those that eat it will seem alien and rough.  Every day I will move her, until she becomes accustomed to the peculiar and will recognize no part of this place as her home.  

She will sleep instead, with a cold, coarse shard of curiosity.  In time, she will wander away in the night, down the hill, over the stream and through the river.  She will move with quiet assurance over the unfamiliar terrain, until eventually she finds her way over there, that place where the light reflects off the water.  When she does, the only thing we will share is the sky.  She may even miss me, but only just a little.

THANKS, JERK

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Do you want to pay someone money for insulting you?  Well, here is a golden opportunity.  Like many ads, it suggests that it is solving a problem for you, even if that problem is something that didn't bother you before that ad appeared to point it out.  Mascara ads solve that short, stumpy eyelashes problem, perfume solves that lack of romance in your life, and this book will solve that horny need to ruin your relationship problem that has been keeping you up at night.  In short, this book assumes that 1) you want to cheat, and 2) that you cannot figure out how to do it with finesse.

Cheating on your loved one is not exactly a useful skill.  I recommend reading How to Win Friends and Influence People.  I have also probably inadvertently promoted this book, but I also smell a sequel in the making ("How to Commit Grand Theft Auto, Like a Man") and want to squelch it.

PS: I honestly don't really know why this book is pink, since pink for me is synonymous with breast cancer.

HOS BEFORE BROS

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I hope I spelled Hos correctly.

There was a fight scene in Pineapple Express where Danny McBride greets Seth Rogan and James "Pecs" Franco in a kimono while celebrating the birthday of his dead cat, and managed to say "Bros before Hos" at least five times before attacking them.  The rest of the movie, unfortunately, was not as good.

This leads, of course, to my wondering how to divide your time when you have a significant other.  I have friends that completely disappear on me, friends who will only go out on "couple dates," and friends who will still find ways to hang out with me with or without their boyfriend.  I'm not going to share which friend I prefer (the third kind).  In what situations would a friend come before a significant other?  There are only so many hours in a day, in a week, and a year...  

A PICTURE FOR THE WEEKEND NO. 5

SMOKE

Etsy

This has nothing to do with nicotine, but I've always admired photographer's ability to capture smoke.  I can't do this on my own, so I appreciate when others do it for me.

I LOVE YOU CAITLIN MORAN

Caitlin Moran

While I have been debating whether or or not to get lasik, or what to wear to my funeral, my woman crush Caitlin Moran has written a brilliant, comprehensive book* detailing all the things that women blindly go about doing, without asking themselves if they are in fact engaging in some "sexist bullshit."**  Why do women plan their social lives around hair removal?  Why?  Why do women have to live in constant fear of looking old?  That it may be too late to have children?  Why?  Why do females value themselves (and others) only in relation to their ability to look good and have kids?

I appreciate people who have the guts to ask these questions, and to talk about things that leave them open to be judged by others, because left to my own devices, I honestly might not have noticed.

I sometimes*** think that life should be an adventure.  You should do things that make you happy, and try to be as happy as possible.  And these things - these superficial things like being afraid to grow older, wearing uncomfortable heels, feeling fat, comparing yourself to models, trying to be anything other than who you are  - they suck the joy right out of life.****

* When I say "book," I mean "audiobook."  I listened to this using my phone because it's the only copy the library had available.  Listening to her read might actually be better than reading it yourself.  She's that good.
** For some reason, hearing this never gets old.
*** Not always, some days are filled with distractions and I just want to get by.
**** By the way, I do all of these things, don't get me wrong.  It just makes me feel like ass.

CHARLES BUKOWSKI

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Yep, this quote has been making the rounds on blogs all over.  But that doesn't make it any less compelling.

THE NEW CORSET

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I once worked with a girl* who said it cost her, ideally, $400 per month, to maintain herself.  This included such necessities as waxing (This was shared in gratuitous detail which I will not include here.  It's for the best.), tanning, hair cut and color, manicure and pedicure, and probably some other procedures that she didn't have time to share.  Oh, and by the way, neither of us are models.  This was not so that she looked spectacular every month, they were just maintenance costs.  You know, to look normal.

I thought then, as I do now, that that was insane.  Do you know what I could do with an extra $400 per month?  Then, it occurred to me that I and my high horse might be in the minority, and this might be very normal for the average female, like an extra tax for having a uterus, or the monetary equivalent of a corset - that other pointless thing that every female used to have to wear to look "normal." And now is associated with kinky sex.  Progress?

For a descent into grossness, read on.  If not, then do not proceed.