THE DALAI LAMA PHILOSOPHY OF HAPPINESS

There were no cameras allowed at the Dalai Lama talk. No computers. No cell phones. No photographic instruments of any kind. What was allowed? Babies. The kind that scream. There were a few of those, and then there I was at the very back of the balcony, with a notebook and a pen.

I just want to give a little background to what I am about to share, so you can add a little salt to this post, in place of an absolute truth.  

The Dalai Lama is the reincarnation of the Buddha of compassion. His topic was a good one: How to Achieve Happiness. Happiness is a buzz word: it grabs most people's attention, and if you attach "how to" anywhere near it, you pretty much have a captive audience. 

He had about one hour to answer this elusive question, and to also fit in a brief audience Q & A. So what he provided were his conclusions, and then some supporting stories.

My notes follow below in red, but before I write down what he said, I want to take a moment to describe the Dalai Lama, just the visual impression, because if you just sit and observe, and watch him as he speaks, there is a lightness in him. He's joyful. He has a really good sense of humor. When he talks about happiness, he also happens to embody it.

Here are my notes: 

Focus on others and oneness, rather than self:

"A self-centered attitude is contrary to happiness… mentally, emotionally, spiritually, we are the same."  

"We are social animals, we need to work together in a oneness of humanity."  

"If there is too much emphasis on the self, you make yourself a prisoner.  The oneness of humanity is very essential."

"We all come from the same God. Everyone has the spark of God. If you do good, you get the benefit."  

Money does not lead to happiness:

"Money leads to physical comfort, but not happiness of the mind. Happiness depends on internal values." 

He then told the story about his friend who lived in a small house by the side of a mountain. This man ate only bread and water. He spent his days in meditation.  However, when you looked into his eyes, you saw that his eyes overflowed with happiness.

How do you reconcile the first notion that humans are social animals with this man's isolated happiness? I thought about this. It may be that meditation is a form of socialization. Through meditation, you connect to a universal truth, or oneness, and this connection is a social connection.  

On Faith:

"The purpose of faith is to be more compassionate."

"It shows a lack of firm convictions if you want more edicts."

On Death:

"Death is changing old clothes. Change of body, not self. Self remains."  

"When you liberate from ignorance and destructive emotion, that is salvation." 

In the aftermath, I read my notes out loud to someone, who disagreed with pretty much every statement here. It didn't occur to me that these statements were controversial. I thought they sounded very simple, and wondered how I could apply while I was commuting to work or making dinner.*     

What do you think? Is this useful?

*As an aside here, there was also a huge protest outside the building where the talk took place. People were chanting for the Dalai Lama to give and stop lying. I can't help thinking that there are better ways to spend your Saturday morning. 

FRIDAY MUSIC: LYKKE LI

FUN LINKS

Apps

Notabli

This app allows you to share pictures, video, quotes, and other memories with your network of family and friends. This is being promoted for people with kids to share and preserve memories. I, however, can think of many other uses, such as if you're collaborating with people and want to share ideas in different formats. There is a lot of untapped potential here. 

Style

This outfit

It's kind of mysterious. I sometimes try to get away with that air of mystery, but it never works as well as this.

Motivation

The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck

Sometimes, I try to include articles about staying calm, about not multi-tasking, about training and restructuring your thought processes. Simplification. Here is one more great way to simplify it up. Just stop giving a fuck. Nothing more simple than that.

Health

Exercises for your midsection

I divide up exercises into what body part they are meant to address: running to build up leg muscles, yoga for arm strength (climbing if you really want definition), and then exercises like these for that part between the arms and legs. That part.

Career

What Should I Do With My Life?

I'm in transition right now and looking at a lot of different perspectives as to where to go. Here's a good one to think about. 

Mind

4 Ways to Make Your Brain Work Better

Brain training! Yay! There is a podcast linked to this article, where the author explains in greater detail how to optimize the workings of your brain. The podcast takes more time, but probes a little deeper. If you manage to optimize the way your brain functions, then your reward will be focus and contentment. It's not a bad goal. 

Writing

How to Get Reviews For Your Book (Without Begging, Bribing or Resorting to Subterfuge)

This post kind of speaks for itself right? 

MILEY SHAMING

I went to a Miley Cyrus concert.

This is normally something that I would file under "Nobody Cares," and then move right along with the next topic. Ironically, the next topic would be the Dalai Lama, who I saw in the same week. Except, a few little things happened to make me reconsider.  

When I mentioned to a friend I was going, her reply: "That's great - oh wait - that's horrible."

Other reactions: "I'd be embarrassed."

Then you feel that slight twinge - the need to justify yourself or whatever it is that you're doing. It's an instinctive reaction in the face of criticism, or in this case, the shaming. I've gotten to the point when I recognize the twinge for what it is, a reaction, and ignore it. 

It's interesting the things that will set people off. Not only would they never go to that concert, but you shouldn't go either. Or if you go - you shouldn't tell people about it. You should treat this like an STD. It should be a secret. 

With these pleasant thoughts in mind, I decided to go ahead and write this post, something that I otherwise would consider not that interesting. If this is not obvious, then I'll go ahead and say this now: this is not a blog about me and about my life, it's about ideas, observations, beauty, simplicity, a slight infatuation with interior design (I'll admit to that), and topics that will ideally make life a bit more enjoyable. That's right - I went from talking about a Miley Cyrus concert to talking about making life better. Here's how I went from one to the other:

Sometimes, when you find someone interesting, there is a quality that person possesses that you admire. What I like about Miley is that she doesn't care about the people that hate her (and there are a lot of those out there), she focuses her energy on the people that care about her, her fans. That's a good policy. There really is nothing worse than bending over backwards to try to please everyone. 

Now if, say, you do happen upon her in concert, share! Miley knows how to show you a good time. 

KARL LAGERFELD ON MOTIVES

“Beauty—or the desire to be beautiful—is in itself a dangerous motivation. Someone (I forgot who) once said, ‘Does the person who loves someone for their beauty really love them?’ So don’t focus on beauty ... a respectable appearance is sufficient to make people more interested in your soul. It is the sum of our experiences that makes us interesting, and having been through a time in your life in which you were in a bad place (or what you perceived as a bad place) physically, can be useful. It can even be necessary.”
- Karl Lagerfeld (Yes, that Karl Lagerfeld), The Karl Lagerfeld Diet

He holds a metaphorical sword of Damocles over all his friendships. He stole his friend's adorable cat. When he decides to open his mouth, it's sometimes good to keep track, because usually it will be undeniably unique, and you will never see it coming. 

TRENCHCOAT AND COFFEE: MINIMAL STYLE UNIFORM

Leather by trenchcoatandcoffee featuring short sleeve t shirts

I really like what's going on here. Most of this is stuff I already own, so I could pretty much live out my life like this and be happy. It captures a certain elusive chic.

As an aside, I like using Polyvore images sometimes instead of pics of real people, because it struck me recently after reading this post that most images circulating on Tumblr and Pinterest, where people pick their own content, are celebrities and models who are young, thin, and white.

I'm not sure if what I'm doing is a move in a better direction, but it's a decision made with awareness. 

WHAT'S YOUR CHARACTER TYPE?

I have a friend, a good friend, who I consider mainstream in her tastes. She only watches romantic comedies and reads chicklit or romance novels, a lot of them by Danielle Steel.  She can deviate from her preferences - we've had deep discussions about Game of Thrones, which is not a romance by any stretch of the imagination - and she can discuss football like a man. However, she knows what she likes and isn't tempted by anything else. This is how I have traditionally perceived the notion of having a book "type." But, what if this is too simple?

I've been thinking about "types" a lot recently, starting from this post, where I rambled about how following the main character was ruining the experience of the book for me. There was nothing wrong with the book itself, but the crucial choice of main character didn't work for me. I didn't like him. What I have come to realize is that one of the most useless bits of feedback you can receive is "I didn't like it," with no explanation. So I decided to delve.  

According to my own diagnosis, I don't discriminate across genres: sci-fi (don't gravitate towards it, but won't turn it away if it looks good); mystery (great sense of plot); romance (emotionally engaging and complex; funny); books about family (a look into someone else's life you would otherwise not get); etc. However, if you've been around the literary block a few times, there are certain types characters who, if sketched broadly enough, will be familiar to you. You've seen this type before, and when you encounter them again, you get a sense of déjà vu. 

In a book I read recently, I recognized a type of character, let's call him the "T" type, as someone I had read before, over the course of a number of other novels. My reaction to T was visceral: I couldn't stand him. It was borderline irrational. When I see T again, I hate him even more. Why? 

Here is my definition of the T type character: a spectator in his own life, he reacts rather than takes action, he is constantly victimized, his defining feature is that he is sensitive and/or delicate, the plot progresses as a series of personal tragedies, and most importantly, he does not grow or change, he simply survives. This, in general, is the story of T. 

To be really specific, here is why I don't like the T type narrator: he suffers constantly, and to be around him means that you get to suffer too. Suffering isn't bad, it's an opportunity to grow, develop, and overcome, and then the journey of the novel is worth it. For a good example of this, see Life After Life. However, and this is key, T does not grow, does not overcome. Things happen. T stays the same, all the way to the end, and I beside him, suffer. T lets people take advantage of him. I feel miserable. Then he does it again. 

Through the haze of misery that being with T created, it occurred to me that while I don't have a specific type of literary genre that I prefer, I have a character type, or an anti-type that I avoid like the plague, because it guarantees a miserable experience. Sometimes, people like knowing that the focus of the story is a romance, or a mystery, but for the General Fiction category, the stories that do not fall effortlessly into categories, it might be a specific character type that holds or destroys your interest. This is my working theory. 

What are some other character types? I'm going to throw out a few generalizations: the flighty female, the methodical scientist, the bland everyman or everywoman or girl-next-door.* I could go on. When looking at your audience, the pattern into their heart may not necessarily be by approaching through specific genres, but by specific Character Types. You can be known not for your Thrillers, but for your character type, a type you vary a little bit each time, across genres, across countries, across space and time. But the character remains true.

*Not to be confused with the Playboy Playmate reality show. 

ON PIDGEONS

Via

I only post this because it's true.

DOUBLE EXPOSURE PORTRAITS BY ANETA IVANOVA

Just when I think there's nothing else that can be done in the world of photography, I came across these double exposure portraits by Bulgarian photographer Aneta Ivanova, and the world of what was possible opened up just a crack more.

You can find more of her work here.

WRITING UPDATE: REVIEWS

This is going to be a bit of a ramble. Don't say you weren't warned!

Thanks to my new vow to stop multi-tasking, I had to to wait until I finished a book that was really pissing me off, before starting this post. I'm not going to tell you the title. I will never name books I don't like. Someone put a lot of work and a lot of soul into that book, and I can't bring myself to demean something so precious to another person.

So let me talk about this in the abstract: I wanted to stop reading this book altogether at some point (at many points). The main character really pissed me off. He was one of those types that I hate - a character that is a spectator in their own lives, where all they do is react to situations, and where every other character introduced is so much more interesting, and yet someone we don't get to follow. No, we're left with this guy, who can't stand up for himself, who isn't articulate, who is a constant victim in a world where bad things just keep happening, and in response he never seems to learn or improve. He's not attractive or intelligent or special in any way, and he doesn't become any of these things either. He's just a sponge - absorbing and feeling bad and then expounding on the life lessons he has learned as a sponge. The longer the amount of time I spent with this person - the more I started to actively hate him. I felt like spending time with him was wasting hours of my life, and maybe so.

However, every time I wanted to stop - I thought about the reviewers that I sent my book out to, and I kept going. I've tried to put a constructive spin on reviews, with this post, and here's a follow up. I've sent the draft out to a good number of people - a sample. There were two reviewers in particular who I had been really looking forward to hearing from, because they were published authors; they had that aura of legitimacy: they had been published in the traditional way. They were represented by agents and a real publisher had published their books. This would be some great feedback! So I waited for their responses in happy anticipation. Then I just kept on waiting. 

One of the authors could not finish the book at all. My book isn't that long, just to be clear. But she just could not finish it. As I was reading the book which will not be named, I kept thinking - was this what it was like for her? What I've heard back from the reviewer is that this book is not her "type." (I'm assuming she's being honest here, and there's no reason to think she would lie.) Anything that falls outside this "type," she cannot bring herself to read, not even for a friend. What I take from this is that people have a natural range of books they will read: they have a "type." People like blonds and Thai food, and anything else is ugly and tastes like dogfood. Human nature is what it is. I, on the other hand, am a book whore. I'll read anything, as long as something about it piques my interest, so this was good to know. 

The other reviewer? She's a genius. Literally, a genius. She could probably put away an encyclopedia a day. So no sweat, right? Could probably jot down a few useful notes and be done with it. I never heard back from her again. I don't understand why people say they're going to do something - and then don't do it. Human nature is a funny thing. I'm going to keep shuffling along. Writing is a process, and there are a lot of obstacles along the way - I just have to keep moving forward. As long as I keep moving, I will eventually get to where I want to be.