Sunday, March 31, 2013


Because I can't stay out of caves.  And yes, there are drawings and hand chiseled graffiti in the background.  People were jerks back in the day.

Happy Easter!

Thursday, March 28, 2013


Just Jared
Have you ever wondered what you looked like relative to other people?  I sometimes do, and there is where Reese Witherspoon comes in.  Reese seems pretty down to earth as celebrities go, she goes to Paris more than I do, and she can also indulge herself by going shopping at whatever store is associated with that large orange shopping bag.  Hermes?   Most importantly, Reese is 5'2" which is my height, and this allows me to virtually place myself everywhere she appears. 

People Magazine
For example,

This is what I would look like walking next to Jake Gyllenhaal, if I were to ever meet Jake, he were to be attracted to me, and we were to date.  Good God, he's huge. 

Reese also helps me know what clothes to avoid, and what clothing choices might work on me, without my having to get off my couch and try things on myself.     

On the other end of the spectrum, Salma Hayek is also 5'2" and this should be included in this post as equally important information.  However, Salma is way way way too sexy's say that my proportions are different than hers.*

* Do I have to spell it out?  Salma is curvy as all hell on a tiny little frame!  She confounds all laws of nature.  I do not confound any of nature's laws.  I obey them. 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013


Kate Bosworth: Nylon
You dress to reflect who you are, or who you want to appear to be.  Am I making sense?  I don't want to be Kate Bosworth, but I do want to dress like her in this picture.  It's a study in contrasts.  She looks at ease, but sharp.  The colors are basic, but put together there's an edge to it.  If I could, I would find some version of this to wear all over the place.  

I've always liked the rocker edgy look, but too much eyeliner, leather, and grommets and it becomes a costume, like I'm trying too hard (I'm sorry, she's young, but Taylor Momsen comes to mind).  Here, the clothes just seem like a natural extension of her.  Like good makeup, it enhances the person.  

Sunday, March 24, 2013


Happy Monday!  Monday always seems to get a bad rap, to be the anti-Friday, that day that everyone universally dislikes because it marks the beginning of the workweek suckfest.  So it seems appropriate to celebrate and welcome it.  Start the week on a sunny note.
I like change (for the better), and usually have a list of things I want to do to improve.  This is where the beside comes in.  The bedside stand always seems to be the place where goals go to pile up and die.  I apologize for the mess, by the way, I just didn't want to  have a polished picture.  Perfection wears a little sometimes.  If I ever photograph my living room, my yellow garbage can is staying in the shot.   
Ever had one of those days where you just wake up to streaming sunlight and think, I will change X,Y and Z about myself! I will get started on cognitive behavioral therapy!  I will start journaling every day!  I will read the economist!  Oh, what's that?  It's my phone that I keep fully charged so I can surf the web before passing out. 
Here are some new goals:

Friday, March 22, 2013

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


Remember when Google was like that cool older brother that gave you sudden access to all of life's illicit goods?  Suddenly, the internet was your oyster, and you could finally figure out what the Paris Hilton sex tape was all about, or any other sex tape, or find articles about cats drinking cactus beer out of trolls.  Even if it didn't exist, you could google it, and then you would know for sure that it didn't exist, because Google gave you zero search results.  Google's search engine literally improved my quality of life.

On the flip side of that coin, however, Google has been quietly building work campuses on Superfund hazardous waste sites* and making the lives of those people in them literally worse.  Here are some quotes, and my interpretations, from the linked article that I found interesting, from Google spokesperson Katelin Todhunter-Gerberg:

"Employees in the two buildings had access to the information on the intranet, but [Katelin] declined to say whether they were warned of any health risk."  Having access to information is not the same as being told that they are working on a hazardous waste site.  "Hazardous waste site" has a certain ring to it.

"[Katelin] said that employees were never in any danger."  Google employs people directly, and also hires people through contracting agencies - temp workers, who are employees of the agency, and not Google.  Technically, this statement could be true, because this site may only house temp workers and not actual google employees.

Sometimes, meaning can be found in what Katelin did not say.  "Danger" is generic, it is much more vague than, say "Employees were never exposed to hazardous chemicals" or "The measures we took to filter out hazardous chemical from our buildings kept out 98% of these toxins from all areas of all buildings, including stairwells and workspaces."  She could have said these things, or made some other very strong statement, but she didn't.

*See: Google Employees Face Health Risks From Superfund Site's Toxic Vapors.  See also, Superfund site

Monday, March 18, 2013


I always read how the quality of resilience is a virtue: it is key to success, to happiness.  All well and good, sir. However, in practice this is difficult.  What I can offer, is inspiring stories where people show how this quality works in practice.  It seems to work pretty well, and is surprisingly humble.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Saturday, March 16, 2013


Sometimes you go hiking, and sometimes you will see a cow, a cow with dreams twisted up with bits of aubergine.  Aubergine, she thinks would be a good name for my next one, the one I will teach to wander away from the fold, to that place I can reach only with my eyes.  I will lay her on the sweet grass away from the others, so that she will cultivate a taste for it, and all other grass will be bitter by comparison, and those that eat it will seem alien and rough.  Every day I will move her, until she becomes accustomed to the peculiar and will recognize no part of this place as her home.  

She will sleep instead, with a cold, coarse shard of curiosity.  In time, she will wander away in the night, down the hill, over the stream and through the river.  She will move with quiet assurance over the unfamiliar terrain, until eventually she finds her way over there, that place where the light reflects off the water.  When she does, the only thing we will share is the sky.  She may even miss me, but only just a little.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


Do you want to pay someone money for insulting you?  Well, here is a golden opportunity.  Like many ads, it suggests that it is solving a problem for you, even if that problem is something that didn't bother you before that ad appeared to point it out.  Mascara ads solve that short, stumpy eyelashes problem, perfume solves that lack of romance in your life, and this book will solve that horny need to ruin your relationship problem that has been keeping you up at night.  In short, this book assumes that 1) you want to cheat, and 2) that you cannot figure out how to do it with finesse.

Cheating on your loved one is not exactly a useful skill.  I recommend reading How to Win Friends and Influence People.  I have also probably inadvertently promoted this book, but I also smell a sequel in the making ("How to Commit Grand Theft Auto, Like a Man") and want to squelch it.

PS: I honestly don't really know why this book is pink, since pink for me is synonymous with breast cancer.

Monday, March 11, 2013


I hope I spelled Hos correctly.

There was a fight scene in Pineapple Express where Danny McBride greets Seth Rogan and James "Pecs" Franco in a kimono while celebrating the birthday of his dead cat, and managed to say "Bros before Hos" at least five times before attacking them.  The rest of the movie, unfortunately, was not as good.

This leads, of course, to my wondering how to divide your time when you have a significant other.  I have friends that completely disappear on me, friends who will only go out on "couple dates," and friends who will still find ways to hang out with me with or without their boyfriend.  I'm not going to share which friend I prefer (the third kind).  In what situations would a friend come before a significant other?  There are only so many hours in a day, in a week, and a year...  

Sunday, March 10, 2013



This has nothing to do with nicotine, but I've always admired photographer's ability to capture smoke.  I can't do this on my own, so I appreciate when others do it for me.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013


Caitlin Moran
While I have been debating whether or or not to get lasik, or what to wear to my funeral, my woman crush Caitlin Moran has written a brilliant, comprehensive book* detailing all the things that women blindly go about doing, without asking themselves if they are in fact engaging in some "sexist bullshit."**  Why do women plan their social lives around hair removal?  Why?  Why do women have to live in constant fear of looking old?  That it may be too late to have children?  Why?  Why do females value themselves (and others) only in relation to their ability to look good and have kids?

I appreciate people who have the guts to ask these questions, and to talk about things that leave them open to be judged by others, because left to my own devices, I honestly might not have noticed.

I sometimes*** think that life should be an adventure.  You should do things that make you happy, and try to be as happy as possible.  And these things - these superficial things like being afraid to grow older, wearing uncomfortable heels, feeling fat, comparing yourself to models, trying to be anything other than who you are  - they suck the joy right out of life.****

* When I say "book," I mean "audiobook."  I listened to this using my phone because it's the only copy the library had available.  Listening to her read might actually be better than reading it yourself.  She's that good.
** For some reason, hearing this never gets old.
*** Not always, some days are filled with distractions and I just want to get by.
**** By the way, I do all of these things, don't get me wrong.  It just makes me feel like ass.

Monday, March 4, 2013


Yep, this quote has been making the rounds on blogs all over.  But that doesn't make it any less compelling.


I once worked with a girl* who said it cost her, ideally, $400 per month, to maintain herself.  This included such necessities as waxing (This was shared in gratuitous detail which I will not include here.  It's for the best.), tanning, hair cut and color, manicure and pedicure, and probably some other procedures that she didn't have time to share.  Oh, and by the way, neither of us are models.  This was not so that she looked spectacular every month, they were just maintenance costs.  You know, to look normal.

I thought then, as I do now, that that was insane.  Do you know what I could do with an extra $400 per month?  Then, it occurred to me that I and my high horse might be in the minority, and this might be very normal for the average female, like an extra tax for having a uterus, or the monetary equivalent of a corset - that other pointless thing that every female used to have to wear to look "normal." And now is associated with kinky sex.  Progress?

For a descent into grossness, read on.  If not, then do not proceed.

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